I’m having a battle with compliancy over my treatment this morning. It doesn’t help that psych appt is right in the middle of the drop in session I was planning to go to and there’s only one drop in open today because it’s a holiday. I know I need to see him. I need to get a social worker and get somewhere slightly more supported so I’m not on my own so much. Somewhere where I have a kitchen and things to myself but share a lounge and stuff. Yesterday I was so down.
I’ve been in hospital lately which also was necessary. The robots got too much and I was crying like mad. (I think trying to quit the cigs on a rare good day set that off). I’m trying to quit the cigs again but anyhow. Maybe I preempt myself. I don’t know. I seriously think I’d be better off getting the patches and using the inhalator for extreme times and also binning my last of my tobacco but never mind. It’s summer. This is what I do. Try and quit the cigs. I’ve had like 3 roll ups since 4pm yesterday. I write this, even though I’m muddled, because a lady at one of the helplines was begging me to. She was also trying to get me to be compliant but never mind.
I don’t know what I shall do today. I have nothing major planned. I think showering (or maybe not – too many video cameras in that bathroom) would be a good first step. I don’t know. I need to read my bible and I need to be compliant so I can read my BIble (helpline pls note!!!). I’m sitting here with yet another cig craving and thinking – hmmm, need more coffee. But the helpline said I could only have my coffee if I took my pills so I guess I’d better down them. I can’t concentrate much to do spark people and even though I’ve not been writing on here I have been writing on my sparkpeople blog. So I guess, well it’s now on the right hand side under blog roll so you can find it easily if you don’t hear from me for a while cos I have to update that once a week (yes, Johanino is still dieting) to maintain my status as a community member or something. I’ve written a fair bit on there lately. Not least when in hospital and like surviving on Salad and cake pretty much (och aye and hot tatties).
I’m still muddled. My eyes still sting from bad quality sleep. Today is forecast to be a nice day. Day to scare the seagulls in thy bikini 
. Need to take meds and think about the depot clinic and stuff. (after reading bible though maybe I’ll just skip breakkie today – dunno).
Hugs
Johanino
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