It’s 3pm on Sabbath the 21st of June 2009 and I’m writing this on word because I’ve been convicted to no more go on the internet on Sabbath. I’ve had the head knowledge for a while and I already don’t listen to worldly music on Sabbath – but instead put Premier Christian radio on. But today after kirk (the Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland J) I resolved to no more go on the internet on Sabbath.
Thankyou for your prayers A and M about this matter. THANKYOU SO MUCH. I know you have been praying for me in this regard and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
So this week’s blog entry (well at least some of it) though done on Sabbath WILL NOT BE UPLOADED ON SABBATH. To keep the Sabbath holy is so important and I long for it. I am having such a blessed afternoon sitting reading. I walked to the FP church this am – hardly dressed for church but no one said anything fortunately – phew! And like walked home. I should have really warn my tubigrip because now my ankle is really hurting. Even now and I’ve been home two hours. I need to put the tubigrip on tonight. The flat is a tip so if you could pray I could get it clean and hovered this week I’d appreciate that (I have two free mornings – Tuesday and Wednesday to tidy and stuff. Monday I have depot shot, laundry and the floors to wash) before I see my support worker I believe for the final time, and my CPN. Wouldn’t it be fab to tell them both I’ve made real progress this week in keeping the house tidy and progressed a little with the housework. Last week I got as far as changing my sheets on Saturday and washing the kitchen and lobby floors on Monday and doing the laundry (all before 11 – I was exhausted and not functioning for the rest of the day LOL) so this week I need to get a housework agenda for Tuesday and Wednesday together. Then have Thursday off from doing the housework and I don’t know about Friday? Some Fridays I’m in waiting for my community meals to come and some Fridays I like to go to the chaplaincy and see Pam. So anyhow Friday is a long way off and I’m not to concern myself with it today. Today is Sabbath – the Lord’s Day J.
Like I said this morning I walked to the FP church and gave them my tithe from my wee Saturday job (for which I earn about £20 a week) which felt good. I am so pleased I had an extra pound coin in my bag to give to the library fund. So pleased. The Lord be praised. Then I came home and got lunch and had a nap. I’ve reduced my caffeine intake since Friday because I got really agitated with coming off the Largactil/Thorazine so I’ve gotten it down to about every 2-3 hours in the day now and none after 5 or 6pm. Fortunately it’s really hot right now so all I want to do is drink water!
Now I’m reading various magazines from various centuries and praying I my concentration improves so I can, at some point, get onto Thomas Boston or something a bit more weighty. But it’ll take time. I also pray I can make time to read in the evenings but maybe that’s asking a bit too much of oneself. Even if I could get my quiet time done in the evenings that would be such an improvement because I don’t like confessing yesterday’s sins the morning after. Keep short accounts with God is what I was once told and I hold it to be true.
Alas this evening it looks like shall be going to the Health, Wealth and Happiness apostasy which is closer and my ankle will sustain it more (half the distance to the FP church) but God Willing within a few weeks I’ll be like going to the FP’s more often and then at some point we can get to prayer meeting and take it from there.
Thanks so much for your prayers. 700 words so better sign off for now. Shall I change my religion on facebook just yet or nae? Just wondered? Currently it’s set @ Pentecostal but I’m really not Pentecostal (the signs and wonders have ceased) but Calvinist.
J
1627
It’s now 1627 and I have a headache from all that reading. I’ve read ½ of the FP magazine and about 2/3 of the Young People’s Magazine. I long to be able to read for a good part of the afternoon but alas it’s not too bed. I’m currently trying to get digiguide (www.digiguide.com) to work so I can find out what time the programme about Alpha is on and then I can note that down and download it tomorrow. I’M NOT GOING TO GO ONLINE ON SABBATH ANYMORE IF I CAN POSSIBLY AVOID IT. But alas the natural self is screaming every time I go near this computer to go online. Any excuse. I really am being tormented and would covet your prayers. Even if you don’t read this till tomorrow. I have always written blogs/journals primarily for self so if you don’t read it till tomorrow that’s fine. God will read it today. J.
Anyhow soon be my prayer and bible time in the prayer closet so maybe I can get some relief from this headache. What I shall do after kirk but before bed I have no idea! Maybe finish reading the magazines. I’m also trying to avoid doing any craft work of any kind on Sabbath but that’s hard because of my head being frazzled. Craft work really is worldly work and should not be done on Sabbath. But the Lord knows how frail and weak I am. He is merciful yet he is also MOST holy.
I have read some really goodly articles this afternoon in the magazine. In particular on the transfiguration by James Begg on page 164 and also on the Law and the Gospel (3) on page 174 by Rev J R Tallach. The sermon on the transfiguration was good because like it talked about how we shall still know people we have known in earth in heaven, and likewise unregenerate sinners will know those who have led and encouraged them in sin in Hell. Very solemn yet also very encouraging. I have learnt a new word from the article by Rev. Tallach. Antinomianism but I’m not entirely sure (a) how to pronounce it and (b) what it means. I think it means the opposite of being legalistic in that they sin so that grace may abound more as mentioned by Paul and warned against. Oh how prevalent that is in the popular Pentecostal church. How I must warn them and encourage them to keep the Sabbath holy. If that’s all I do for the few short weeks I have left there then my time will not have been in vain. If only I can encourage my Pentecostal friends by facebook, even after I’ve left to keep the Sabbath holy and to bring their children up in the knowledge and admonition of the Lord and not just leave it for Sabbath school, then my time there will not have been in vain.
Anyhow I have another idea as to how to get Digiguide to work – reboot the pc. So best go.
J
2004
I feel bad for even blogging in any form on Sabbath but blog is therapy and I feel I need it right now. It’s just once I’m on the pc I’m tempted to go online. So maybe long term blogging will have to be done in a notebook on Sabbath and typed up the next day. We’ll see. Please pray for wisdom.
I don’t know what I feel bad about giving up my beloved internet on Sabbath. I feel really grumpy and down and like sad and stuff. Yet it was my decision. I thought because I gave up the coffee (well substantially reduced) it would be so easy. Yet I’m finding it really hard. I’ve even been hearing Satan’s voice this afternoon because of it. Now was it really Satan or my natural self screaming like a child @ me? I don’t know. I’d appreciate (regular Christian readers) your opinion because one thing I know is that I can’t trust the medics to get this one right.
I went to the Pentecostals but didn’t sing the songs. They have little appeal to me today. They are okay for the weekday but not for Sabbath. They are just pop songs anyway and it’s Sabbath. S even made a joke and I thought ‘today is a serious holy day, not the day for making jokes’. D was quite keen to know what I’d gleaned from the magazines. So I will try and pass them onto him when I’ve finished with them and have a bit of a discussion on facebook. Please pray for him. He uses the NIV which is really no Bible and he has this whopping Life Application study bible with a huge fancy cover and I’m almost thinking to myself (but not daring to say it) that’s what’s wrong with a decent cross reference and a small commentary. There are plenty of good commentaries available, ‘study bibles’ at church are surely just for show. But then I bet he just has the one bible whereas I have too many too count. In fact I must give some to the FP minister soon for witnessing or send them to G & T in Edinburgh for mission work. I don’t know. There was a collection for the new library or something @ the FP’s this am so I gave a small amount to that.
So anyhow, back to the point of this post. About giving up the internet on Sabbath. It’s God’s command yet why, after initially feeling joyous, do I find it such a burden? I will get used to it. I really will. I’m going to make myself. But then I question when I should try and quit the cigarettes if this is so hard for me. This is just for one day! Cigarettes are going to take me ages. And I could be grumpy for ages. It doesn’t bode well. Och wretched woman that I am – who shall save me from the body of this death (paraphrased)? Only Christ can make me whole. Only Christ. Yet this evening I am shaking my fist at him in heart if not in mind and body. Och how ungrateful is sin and how fowl it’s smell. Deliver me thou my God I do thee humbly pray. Deliver thou this thy servant.
J
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